


Shame on Me

by KKray



Category: The Good Cop (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 10:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21318991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KKray/pseuds/KKray
Summary: “Broken vows are like broken mirrors. They leave those who held to them bleeding and staring at fractured images of themselves.” Richard Paul EvansTony was known for bending the truth. Who’s to say he didn’t with regard to his son? A collection of times Tony lied and broke his promises to TJ.
Relationships: Anthony "TJ" Caruso Jr. & Anthony "Tony" Caruso Sr.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Shame on Me

“I will always be there for you.”

TJ hummed. It was past his bedtime, and TJ didn’t want Daddy realizing how late it really was. Mommy was on a business trip for a week, so Daddy decided it was time for a boys’ night and they promptly packed their bags and went camping. 

Daddy let him stay up long enough to see the constellations. TJ couldn’t see the stars because the city lights were too bright, and listening to Daddy point out the different shapes and the stories behind them lulled him near sleep. Daddy was warm and the night was cold and TJ loved every second of it. 

He felt his eyes closing and he heard Daddy whisper again.

“I promise.”

* * *

“She needs a little time.”

TJ was a big boy now. He’s in school, he’s five years old, and he’s smart enough to know when something isn’t right. Mommy had been so happy this week, humming her favorite princess songs she lets TJ watch even though Daddy wants him to play sports outside. She even made a cake for no reason! 

“You’ll see, she just needs to cry a little and then she’ll be fine.” Daddy tugged him away from the bathroom door. TJ let himself be led, too confused and anxious to resist. Daddy picked him up and sat him on the counter. The whole house felt empty, big and hollow and scary. TJ doesn’t understand why Mommy’s sad. She had been rubbing her tummy, though. Maybe she had a tummy ache? He heard Mommy crying. TJ knows that a hug from her always makes him feel better when he’s sick.

He mentioned this to Daddy, who smiles thinly. “I’m sure she’d love that. Why don’t we go give her a big hug?” The next day, Mommy doesn’t cry. 

He doesn’t know why Mommy was sad, but he sees how after that day she never smiles the same again. She never hums princess music again and doesn’t watch the movies with him, and TJ stops asking.

* * *

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” TJ had asked Daddy about Parent Day at school three times. Each time, Daddy promised he would be there. Parent Day ended in twenty minutes, and Daddy still hadn’t shown up. TJ tapped on his desk anxiously. Daddy promised! 

“Stop banging your fingers! It’s uncouth.” Sarah’s mom snapped at him. TJ didn’t know what ‘uncouth’ meant, but it didn’t sound good. He sat on his hands to keep from fidgeting. Daddy had promised- three times!- so he was just late. Daddy wouldn’t forget about him, would he?

Everyone else had a parent show up. Jesse even had both come! They got to show their parents around the school while TJ sat in the classroom, watching the window and eventually, the clock. Miss Kuiper kept looking at him sadly, and it made his skin crawl. He didn’t want Miss Kuiper to be sad for him, he wanted Daddy here! 

The clock ticked on, marking the end of the day. Dad still hadn’t come. Miss Kuiper dropped TJ off in the late pickup room. An hour and a half after school ended, Dad finally came. 

“I’m so sorry, TJ. Work was so busy and I couldn’t keep track of the time.” TJ nodded silently. “Do you forgive me?”

TJ mustered up a smile.

A little white lie never hurt anyone. 

* * *

“You deserve this!” TJ beamed at his dad. The trophy was small and cheap, but it was TJ’s first. He just won his track meet! “Good job, kiddo. I’m proud of you.”

TJ had to fight to keep from doing a happy dance. Mom was out of town on a work trip, and he wasn’t sure if Dad was going to be able to come. As silly as it was, he wanted one of them to watch him compete.

In the locker room, he passed Johnny. The two of them were neck-in-neck the entire race, and TJ wasn’t sure that he could win. They were so close that TJ didn’t know who won at first, but then the announcer shouted his name. 

“Good race!” TJ smiled. “It was really close there. Maybe next time you’ll get first!”

Johnny deliberately shoulder checked him. “If I had a daddy that rigged the races, then I probably would. Good job winning that race. I hope he buys your next win too. You really deserve it.”

“Why the long face?” Dad asked later that night. “I thought you were happy with your win today.”

TJ stared out the window. I thought I won too, he didn’t say. I thought you were proud of me.

When the next meet comes around, he doesn’t tell either of his parents.

* * *

“Nothing’s gonna happen.” TJ watched his dad shrug on his vest, hands absently strapping it on. “It’s a routine shift, patrolling the quietest neighborhoods. I’ll be okay.”

TJ stayed quiet. He knew Dad was right, that he was overreacting, but the rise of violence against cops made him anxious. It seemed like every other day there was a news report of cops being killed unprovoked. That was enough to make anyone nervous, let alone someone with an officer in their family. 

Dad ruffled a hand through TJ’s hair, messing up the carefully crafted strands, and danced out of TJ’s reach. “I’ll be back in the morning! Make sure you do your homework!” The door slammed behind him. 

The rest of the evening was entirely unproductive. TJ couldn’t sit still, and Mom banished him to his room when his leg bouncing jostled the couch. He resorted to doing his math homework: that, above all else, would put him to sleep. He didn’t make it through even three problems before he conked out.

He woke up to Mom crying, hurrying him out of the house and into the car. She stammered out an explanation between hiccups: Dad was shot, perhaps fatally so. 

They sat in the sterile waiting room for hours, desperate for news. The doctor eventually came out to talk to Mom privately. The surgery was a success, and the gunshot wound was not as severe as expected. The chances of a full recovery were high.

They were led to another room, and TJ opened the door to see Dad passed out in a hospital bed. His legs were weak, replaced with materials that threatened to give with each step. He grabbed Dad’s hand, and held on to the proof of life.

* * *

“I’m innocent. I’m a good cop.” Dad seethed in front of the television. The district attorney had announced the lawsuit against him that afternoon, and Dad was immediately suspended from the force. He’d been home all day, unwilling to face the ‘flock of vultures’ outside clamoring for an interview. 

Dad turned off the tv and turned to face TJ. He was unusually serious, but these were unusual times. “TJ, I promise to all that’s holy I’m innocent. I’ve been a good cop for this city for decades, and they’re going to throw it all away.” He laughed bitterly. “If there’s one thing I know, it’s that they’re going to regret it. They won’t get away with throwing me under the bus.”

“Dad,” TJ trailed off.

“I’m a man of my word, aren’t I?”

No, he really wasn’t. At least not in regards to TJ.

* * *

“I’ll be at your graduation.” Dad’s drunk. The trial was a joke. The prosecutor kept listing charges and rattling off accusations like he was getting paid by the crime. The worst part was when Dad’s partner stood to testify against him. Dad threatened him on live television and in the process, signed his own sentence. 

“Those bastards got nothing on me. I’m a good cop, and they want to crucify me for some mistakes. Do you know how many criminals I’ve put behind bars? How many drug rings I’ve busted up? Think about how much worse this city would be if I followed all their little rules.” Dad snarled. “No sir. Not if I have anything to say about it.”

Dad waved his hand and spilled some of his beer. “I’ll be at your graduation. The mayor will bring me himself and apologize for putting me through this. I’ll be there. I promise.”

TJ slipped up the stairs. He knew by know that Tony’s promises were more fragile than the son he gave them to.

* * *

“It won’t happen again.” Tony apologized, all sincerity and repentance. He was willing to forgive and forget if TJ was. Convenient. He wasn’t the one that nearly had a heart attack tripping over him in the middle of the night.

“I don’t want to come home and find you dead of alcohol poisoning!” TJ wanted to bang his head against the wall. “You’re on probation, you shouldn’t be drinking anyway.”

“Oh, that’s right. Why don’t you just tell me how much better you are than me. I know you’re thinking it.” 

“Dad, that’s not what I’m saying.” 

“Whatever. I told you, it won’t happen again.”

TJ let it go, already making a mental note to start leaving the lights on.

* * *

"I didn’t mean it!” TJ grabbed his keys and wallet from the little table next to the door. “Dammit, TJ, stop. You know I didn’t mean it. I don’t know why I said it.”

TJ paused with his hand on the door knob, knuckles white. He wished there was nothing Tony could say that would convince him to stay, but his father always had him wrapped around his finger. TJ was pathologically unable to deny his father anything. 

“TJ.” Tony clasped a hand on his shoulder. TJ fought the urge to shrug it off. “I’m sorry. You know I don’t think that.”

“Then why say it all?” He snapped. “You don’t think I know how much you don’t like me? I get it already.” The words poured out, dark and viscous, laced with acid. “I’m such a disappointment; I never do anything right; I’m too straight-laced to be the famous Tony Caruso’s son!” TJ cut himself off, inhaling deeply. He would regret sharing any other fears that have haunted him as long as he could remember. He already regretted saying as much as he did. 

Tony’s hand slid off his shoulder. Free from the restriction, TJ slipped through the door and escaped to the bustle of the city. 

* * *

“I understand. No, really. I do. I completely understand why you wouldn’t tell me about this case, even though I was the original detective assigned to these creeps. You don’t want to break protocol by telling a convict about an open investigation, right? Never mind that I’m your father!” Tony paced up and down the length of the hospital room. “I swore to your mother that I would protect you. How am I supposed to do that when you won’t tell me anything?”

TJ was tired. His head hurt and he wasn’t entirely sure that his dad was actually there. Doctors tend to give the really strong drugs when one was shot. Hallucinations were not outside the realm of possibility. 

Either way, real or not, TJ didn’t want to listen to his dad lecture him. He sighed.

“What? You got something to say?”

The narcotics flowing through his veins loosened his grip on reality and his leash on his tongue. “You don’t exactly have a track record of keeping your promises.” His lips quirked up into a brittle facsimile of a smile. Easily broken. When Tony didn’t answer, TJ laughed. “What?” he parroted. “You got something to say?” 

The whole situation struck him as funny, and he continued to chuckle. How many times had they ended up like this? Tony unimpressed. TJ deeply disappointed. It was a cycle that kept beating TJ down until he couldn't care anymore.

He didn't. 


End file.
